“Define Bae”: A Back When I Was Ain’t Shit Story

February 21, 2015. I was single. I was unavailable. I was in North Carolina.

It was Saturday; the day prior to I moved on campus to start as an RA 6 weeks into the semester. On this day, I had to interview for the RA job for the Fall semester & I met this girl, let’s call her Emme.

Emme was cute, with phat ass & a small waist. I wasn’t looking for anything, but I def noticed how she was built. She was also interviewing. After the interview day, Emme & I would hang out. I mean literally hang out.we-are-what-we-are I told her I just got out of a relationship, wasn’t looking for anything other than someone I could hang out with. No sex necessary but I wouldn’t turn it down. She seemed to understand.

One night I just so happened to be cooking dinner, asked her if she wanted some because we were watching TV. She asked if she could stay over with me. I reiterated my whole point of “I’m not looking for anything, if we have sex, that’s on you, but that’s not going to change my mind.” She decided to still stay over, wearing nothing in bed with me but a big T-Shirt. Things got hot & heavy while just lying beside each other. Beginning that night & over the course late March/Early April, Emme & I had sex a few times, but I started to notice red flags

When single, I have a 3 Fuck Rule. Here is how the 3 Fuck Rule Works:

  • First Fuck – B quality sex. Not wasting my good dick to encounter a starfish, but just enough to make them want more.
  • Second Fuck – B+/A- quality effort, two rounds or so.
  • Third Fuck – In the Words of my Dearly Departed Uncle Bernie:bernie-give-her-the-d

The third time we had sex resulted in a noise complaint & one of my co-workers hearing Emme & in the hallway as soon as they stepped off the elevator. Let’s just say it was a long Saturday afternoon. After we were finished she asked me “Why don’t you kiss me when we have sex?” waymentI told her if it’s just sex I’m more likely to kiss her pussy than her mouth. That’s reserved for girlfriends.

About a week later, I’m in class, & I get a text message. The Text conversation went like below:

monica-screen-shot

Emme was officially cut off & curved from any further sex. Why? Because her feelings started to come into play, & nobody has time for being claimed or getting titles with no commitment.

you-must-be-new-here

Moral of the Story: If You Ain’t Got Emotional Condoms, Don’t Let Your Body’s wants Fuck Over Your Mental & Emotional Health. Also: When Someone tells you what shit is, don’t go creating alternative realities. 

~ Style

P.S.

Let’s go over some definitions, cause we too grown to use terms stupidly.

  1. Bae: A term for a significant other stupidly used by people not in relationships &/or claimed by someone they fucking.
  2. Fuck Buddies: Two people whom are acquaintances who acknowledge their desire to fuck and get some on a semi-regular occasion. Not to be confused with…
  3. FWB (Friends with Benefits): Two people, whom are actually friends. That spend time together, and hold conversations and just so happen to also have sex semi-regularly.
  4. Hoe: Overused term by either a. niggas who want to put down women who fuck on their terms, or b. by women hating on other women that fuck when they want to make themselves seem more desirable.
  5. Starfish: Imagine a starfish. Now imagine a naked woman laying down in the shape of a starfish and that’s the only position they do in bed.
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